Fridays
This project was conceived for people who gathered in front of the Prime Minister’s official residence for the protest to Oi nuclear power plant re-operation, on Fridays from June to the beginning of July, 2012.
People who gathered there were increased memorablly. Its numbers were 2000 at first but later it became 10,000, then 45,000, and finally 200,000.
Although the music for such a demonstration tends to turn into music of the backbone, this project aims at becoming what works on the vagus nerve of the belly instead of the backbone, by putting 4 participant’s comments on their Fridays in order.
最近の金曜日、
わたしは 官邸前で
2千 1万 4万5千 20万 15万 のひとりでした。
ふくらんでいく人々をみて、
ときには人々の前で
ときには人々の後ろで、
逆流したり
立ち止まったり
声をあげたり
音をあげたり
してました。
木曜の夜のざわめきと
土曜の朝のしずけさと
くりかえしくりかえし
膨らんでいくその先は
まだどこにいくのかわからない
6/15
レンタカーを手配した。わたしはわたしの墓石を横目に扉を入って出た。どこで何を食べたかは忘れた。スーパーで二週間生きられたらいいなと思えるだけの食材を選んだ。
6/15
教習所で車に乗りバンドのリハ前の30分だけ官邸前へ。友人と会い打ち明け話。
6/22
右の脇腹が痛むので、慢性の盲腸ではないかと言われ病院で検査してもらった。尿検査、血液検査、レントゲン、なにも異状は無かった。
次の日に必要な荷物を車に乗せたはずだが覚えていない。なにを食べたかも覚えてはいない。
6/22
:予定が無かったので1900頃官邸前へ。友人にModern LoversのCDをあげた。終了後幡ヶ谷Forest limitへ移動しようと思ったが、諸々で断念し新宿裏窓で飲んで帰宅。
6/29
同級生の女と東京へ行くために高速バスに乗った。途中パーキングエリアで記念写真を撮った。夕方に新宿に着きホテルに荷物を置いてから同級生とは別れて、東京の友達に誘導してもらいながら国会議事堂前という駅まで行った。改札を抜けてから一瞬記憶が白い。
そこにいる人たちはここにくるために来ているのか。足の裏が地にへばりついて感じた。腕は手は天に向かって伸ばされ、通りすがりじゃない、瞳の人形のように、動けなくなる。
首から 「日本を返せ」というプラカードを下げているおじさんが目の前を通り過ぎていった。
わたしは声を出して泣いてしまい、歩き始めた。
階段を上がって出口に出ると、参加者は列に並ぶよう誘導された。列の最後尾まで列の横を逆走した。人の顔と握り締められたメッセージが目の中を流れていくので、ひたすら歯を食い縛って歩いた。涙を垂れ流してた。
最後尾まで着き、カバンから布を出した。「悲しい」と書いた布を自分に巻きつけた。頭からかぶった。小さくなった。こんなところにいたくないと思った。こんなことしたくないと思った。ほんとうなら…
列からはすぐはぐれてしまった。
悲しいを掲げるのは、どんなに自分の顔を隠していても抵抗があった。掲げるほどに、くちゃくちゃにされていくのがわかった。
最初はまったく声を出せなかったけど、ここまで連れてきてくれた友達が声を出していたので、わたしも声を出してみた。サイカドウハンタイって言った。ゲンパツイラナイとも言った。
どこかから、ヨルハクライって聴こえてきた。
解散と言われる前に、そこを離れることにした。少し離れれば、眩しくて悲惨に暗い夜の空が見えた。
6/29
阿佐ヶ谷でライブ。USTで官邸前を眺める。ライブはまずまず。
6/29
6月最後の金曜日、自転車で官邸前に行った。2日後に再稼動される予定になっていた。自転車をとめて人の渦の中に交ざった。声は出せなかった。
7/6
朝、畳の床に起こされた。家に帰ろうと思った。
車は運転してもらった。ナビを見るのを忘れるとすぐに道を行きすぎてしまう。行きすぎたところでパンを食べた。
神様は失敗してると思ったので、それを話したら悔やむことはあるらしいと教えられた。
それは失敗ではないのかと思ったけど、思考を止めた。
夜はバイトがあり、久々の日常に嫌気がさした。
わたしの悲しいはどこへ行ったかな。雨で風邪ひいてませんように。
夜はぐっすり眠った。
7/6
教習所。久しぶりの路上は恐怖。その後東高円寺で被縛舎ライブ。マヘル参加者募集告知を拝見し返信。ライブは最大の目論見が不発に終わり不完全燃焼。デモへの坂本氏参加に驚いた。
7/6
7月初めの金曜日、雨がふっていた。再稼動は始まっていた。霞ヶ関駅でおりて列の最後尾に並んだ。1時間で15mくらい進んだ。声は出せなかった。
並んでいる間ずっと自殺したF君のことを思っていた。
脱資本主義の大義は日本において希望の原理たり得るのか
recorded at studio hototoguis 28/08/2012
Was haben Sie an dem letzten Freitag gemacht?
On recent Fridays, I was one of two thousands, ten thousand, forty-five thousand, two hundred thousand, and then one hundred and fifty thousand. Looking at the crowd swelling, sometimes in front of them, sometimes behind them, I was rushing back, standing still, raising my voice up or just giving up.
Noises in Thursday nights, and silence in Saturday nights. Repeated and swelling, no one knows where we are led to.
June 15th. I hired a car. I entered and exited through the door seeing my tombstone in the corner of my eye. I don’t remember what and where I ate. I picked up food that was likely to be enough for survival for two weeks at a supermarket.
June 15th. Drove a car at the driving school, and stayed only for thirty minutes in front of the prime minister’s office before the band’s rehearsal. Met a friend and unburdened my worries.
June 22nd. Pain in my right side. They told me it could be my appendix. Had a test at the hospital. Urine, blood and an X-ray. Nothing was wrong.
I must have loaded my car with things that I would need the next day, but I don’t remember. I don’t even remember what I ate.
June 22nd. I had no plan so went to the prime minister’s office around seven pm. Gave the CD of Modern Lovers to my friend. After that I thought I would go to Forest Limit in Hatagaya, but gave it up for some reasons and drank at Uramado in Shinjuku and went home.
June 29th. Took a long distance bus to go to Tokyo to meet an woman that used to be my classmate. Took a photo at a rest stop in commemoration. Arrived at Shinjuku in the evening, left my luggage in the hotel room, said goodbye to the ex-classmate, and was guided by my friend in Tokyo to a subway station called Diet Building. I lost my memory for a moment after exiting the subway gate.
Did those people come here just to be here? I felt my soles were stuck to the ground. My arms and hands were raised toward the sky, and I couldn’t move as if I were a doll of an eye that wasn’t passing by.
An old man went by with a placard hanging from his neck. It said “Give Japan back to me.” I cried aloud, and started to walk.
I went up the stairs, and at the exit, participants were instructed to form a line. I ran in the opposite direction along the line. Faces and messages flowed in my eyes, so I clenched my teeth and kept walking. I was shedding tears.
At the end of the line, I took a piece of cloth out of my bag. I wore the piece, on which I wrote “I am sad,” on my head. I became small. I thought I didn’t want to be there. I thought I didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t supposed to…
I deviated from the line soon.
Even though I hid my face, it didn’t feel right to show a piece of cloth that said “I am sad.” I felt the more I raised it the more crumpled it got.
At first I couldn’t raise my voice at all, but my friend was, so I tried. I said, “Stop restarting.” I said, “I don’t want nuclear power plants.”
I heard from somewhere, “Dark is the night.”
I left there before being told to. From a distance, I saw dazzling and miserably dark sky.
June 29th. A live performance in Asagaya. Saw the demonstration in front of the prime minister’s office on Ustream. The performance was quite good.
June 29th. On the last Friday in this month, I went to the prime minister’s office by bicycle. The nuclear power plant was going to be restarted in two days. I got off the bicycle and joined the maelstrom of people. I couldn’t raise my voice.
July 6th. I was woken up on the tatami floor. I thought I would go home.
I didn’t drive myself. As soon as I forget to look at the navigation, the car would go too far. I ate bread when the car went too far.
I thought God failed. I said so, and they told me that apparently He sometimes regrets.
I thought it must be a failure, but stopped thinking.
I had a part-time job at night. I hated the routine that came back to me.
I wonder where the piece of cloth saying “I am sad” went. I hope it didn’t catch a cold in the rain.
I slept well in the night.
July 6th. Driving school. Scary to drive on the road after a long time. After that, a live performance of Hibakusha in Higashi-Koenji. Saw a call for participation in Maher Shalal Hash Baz and replied to it. The live performance was frustrating because the most important intention failed. Surprised by Sakamoto’s participation in the demonstration.
July sixth. On the first Friday in this month, it was raining. The nuclear power plant was restarted. I got off the subway at Kasumigaseki Station and joined the end of the line. We moved fifteen meters in one hour. I couldn’t raise my voice.
I kept thinking of F, who killed himself, while being in the line.